Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
