I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
