Sry I called you an 8
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
