are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
