Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
And then he peed in my hair
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