You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm at about main and main street
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
