I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
honey bunches of taint.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
