maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
