3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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