How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
