it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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