Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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