i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
