Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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