just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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