College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
