I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
