We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
