Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
