That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
