This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
