she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
