Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
