First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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