I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
