Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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