she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
