Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
