Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
