Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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