Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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