so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
