Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
