I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
