I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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