and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
