look no pants
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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