Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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