who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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