just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
