You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
