help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
