1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
