I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
