the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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