At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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