Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
