He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
