So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
