My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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