Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
