Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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