Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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