My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The adults are the big ones right?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
