If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
